shipwrecked

Somewhere Over the Atlantic

At some point on our plane ride over the Atlantic the sadness of leaving Malta settled over me like a blanket.  I turned on some singer/songwriter music that was listed on the screen in front of me as part of the in flight entertainment and pulled out my Bible.  I started reading in Matthew; it seemed as good a place as any.  Here is what I read and wrote.

"For your Father knows what you need before you ask him."  Matthew 6:8

This has been true in more ways than I can count these past five years.  Surely he remains faithful.

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal.  But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven where moth and rust do not destroy and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is there your heart will be also."  Matthew 6:19-21

These past weeks I have been mourning the relationships I am leaving.  Truly they have been the treasures I have been storing up.  But they are not meant forever here on this earth.  They are however meant forever in eternity.  One day we will know Him intimately and each other as well.  We will worship together again.  These treasures will never fade away.

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"  Matthew 6:27

This will be the challenge each day.  Oh Jesus, keep me from sinking in my own worry.  Be gracious to me, gently turn my face towards yours that I would trust.

-shanna

 

Familiar Sounds

The steady stream of traffic sprinkled generously with loud mufflers, screeching tires and horns honking.

A mother a few buildings over yelling for one reason or another.

The whirring of a power saw against stone.

Church bells ringing in their seemingly random pattern.

Dogs on the roof across the way barking back and forth.

Music drifting in my window from the neighborhood dance studio.

These are the sounds that slowly woke me from my nap this November afternoon . . .

two weeks from moving back to America.

Four years ago these sounds seemed so foreign and strange, especially when mixed all together.

Now they are so familiar and everyday; giving me no cause to be unsettled but rather feel at home.

-shanna

Anything

A few months ago we felt God asking us to leave our car with some friends here in Malta who were in need of one.  We have been blessed in so many ways and to be able to be a blessing to someone else is to be a part of how God takes care of his children.  Since we offered them the car our friends have many times asked what they can do for us.  Today, as I was sitting at my friend’s table drinking a cup of tea, she looked around and said, “Is there anything of mine that you want?  Anything.”  I can’t convey with words the sincerity and earnestness in which she spoke.  She went on to explain that she is learning to accept the gift of a car but that she is so thankful that she wants to give something in return.  I assured her that the beautiful curtains she made for me two years ago are being lovingly packed and sent on a ship to join us in America. 

I was struck by what was happening.  Here was someone so thankful for receiving a gift that they wanted to offer anything they could in return.  How much more has God given us through the sacrifice of his Son?  Far more than a green car affectionately known as monster car.  Sometimes I think we are crazy for doing the things we do.  Moving to Malta, moving back to America.  Loving people with whom we will eventually have to say good bye.  Praying for those who would treat us unfairly.  But when I think of the immense love that Jesus showed me when he gave his life for mine I can only look into his eyes and say, “You can have anything you want.  Anything.”

He who began a good work . . .

I have begun the roller coaster ride of transition.  My heart has been so thankful for God's faithfulness in the way he loves us and works in and through us.  He has calmed and quieted my soul as his living spring has washed over me.  Amidst this though there is another force at work, not to be underestimated.  The darts start to fly and my arm starts to get weak holding the shield of faith.  There is a reason Joshua was told so many times to be strong and courageous.  His was an earthly as well as spiritual battle.  Ours is a spiritual battle over the hearts of those God has called to be his own.

My heart is burdened to pray for those with whom I have had Spirit led conversations filled with God's truth and his call for relationship and trust.  For those who witnessed our flawed yet forgiven and love filled lives clearly before them.  My heart cries out that they will do more than passively observe.  That they will hunger and thirst to know God personally and not through the lens of another. 

As I plead for them and look into the eyes of the One who loves them more than I could ever imagine my heart is lifted.  He knows what he's doing.  He put these people in our lives for a reason.  He is taking us out of their lives for a reason.  They are the ones he chose to cross our paths.  He will bring about his purpose in their lives as he has brought about his purpose in our lives that are marked by both brokenness and healing.  There is hope and it depends in no part upon me.

-shanna

Oh How He Loves You and Me

I was leaving the prayer room in Floriana last week, one day before we were to leave for our annual conference, and this song was being sung by a good friend.  It has been playing itself in my head ever since.  The past two months have probably been some of the most difficult we've faced since we have been in Malta.  We are at a transition point but don't know how or where we are transitioning to.  We have wanted to know the details but God has not considered it necessary.

I noticed a book in someone's bag the other day.  It was The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis.  I decided to read it so I could talk about it with this person.  Before I go further I should note that The Screwtape Letters are written as short letters from one demon to another on how to keep a person from the Enemy (God).  Therefore, most of what you read has to be taken in the opposite way.  Shortly into the pages I read these words:

"We want him to be in the maximum uncertainty, so that his mind will be filled with contradictory pictures of the future, every one of which arouses hope or fear.  There is nothing like suspense and anxiety for barricading a human's mind against the Enemy." (letter VI)

Later some of the letters address the valleys or as he calls them 'troughs' in our lives.  I began to realize that it was entirely possible God loved me enough to put a young woman next to me with this book in her bag so that I would pick it up and find encouragement. 

This year at conference we had a time of teaching just for the women.  I must admit, I was a little skeptical of what was to come.  Little did I know God had with his 'relentless stance of love towards me' (borrowing a line from Brennan Manning) given this woman the words the dry ground of my heart needed to hear.  Here are some of the phrases that Alicia Chole spoke that morning . . .

"Have you formed an alliance with fear?"

In speaking of dying dreams, "Don't underestimate the life giving power of burial grounds."

"Are you confusing disillusionment with failure?"

"Do you feel like God is wasting your time?  When we reminisce and regret the past and daydream about and fear the future we let the course right in front of us grow cold."

This morning I was walking through a forest in the Czech Republic with my family.  It was drizzling rain and everything was cool and green.  We then got to the ruins of the castle and I felt like I was in a storybook.  The rain started coming down harder and you could see the fog rolling in, which only served to make it feel even more surreal.  We didn't know how long it would last so after waiting half an hour we started our trek back down getting soaked.  When we got to the bottom the rain stopped and the fog lifted.  Standing there soaking wet with a bag of gingerbread in my hands and a new family story to tell I thought to myself, Oh how he loves you and me.

-Shanna

World Cup Fever

 

 

The celebrating is in full force here in Malta.  The island is pretty much split in support of Italy and England.  Of course as you can see from the first picture our building is screaming every time the US even gets close to a goal.  Yesterday was full of YEAH . . . OHHHHH!!! until the final AHHHHH!  Our flat is the one with the smaller flag.  Our neighbors downstairs have the huge one.  She is Maltese and he is American.  The flag they have hanging was actually flown over the US Embassy in Egypt.  It has been fun looking at all of the different flags being hung from balconies and small ones stuck to cars.  Others we have seen that are not pictured include Greece and Serbia, although I am sure there are many more.  There had been some frustration at the lack of carcading going on - basically people driving around the island honking their horns after a victory.  The problem was England and Italy had yet to win a match.  Fortunately, for those who love to celebrate, England finally won yesterday and the carcading soon followed.  We'll see if Italy can win today.

Sometimes

This started as a post meant to convey where we are.  After going through the photos to update our photo albums I was reminded of the amazing good in our lives.  As I came to write this post I was trying to reconcile that good with the fog of confusion that comes with considering our future.  It was too hard to put together coherently so I just started typing.

Sometimes we know we are truly blessed and utterly spoiled.  Sometimes.

Sometimes we wonder what it's all for, if we will ever see change.  Sometimes.

Sometimes we are thankful for the simple things, a talk with our kids, our friends, our family.  Sometimes.

Sometimes we feel empty, tired, confused.  Sometimes.

Sometimes we see the splendor of God in his creation, the sea, the mountains, the faces around us.  Sometimes.

Sometimes we see the fall, tropical storms, earthquakes, hatred.  Sometimes.

Sometimes we put our eyes on others, their joy, their victory, their hurt, their need.  Sometimes.

Sometimes we put our eyes on ourselves, our pride, our satisfaction, our brokenness, our want.  Sometimes.

Sometimes we put our eyes on Jesus.  And it is in those times our hearts are filled with inexpressible joy for the love we have received and can not hold in.

"I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better."  Ephesians 1:17

- Shanna

The Baptism

Easter Sunday 2010 was one we will never forget.  To watch our little girl take a step of faith and publicly acknowledge her faith in Christ was the most beautiful gift we could ever receive.  Thank you Jesus for your grace in our lives.

Baptized Coffee

So I took on the Blood:Water Mission challenge of 40 days of water during the Lent season.  The basic idea is you only drink water for 40 days and then donate the money you would have spent on other beverages to build clean wells in Africa.  The first week I had constant headaches but getting past that wasn't too horrible, I just ate chocolate.  The other times I found it difficult was when I would go for a coffee with a friend.  I decided paying ten cents more for sparkling water was acceptable in certain situations.  But by far the hardest was drinking water with my popcorn at a movie or on pizza night.  All of this to say I can not wait for Easter!  I have been envisioning my Easter morning coffee for the past couple of weeks.  I know it sounds crazy but I have a new appreciation for the freedom we have in Christ.  It had gotten to the point that I was most excited about Easter because I was going to get to drink coffee . . . until last Sunday.

Last Sunday, Acacia said to us that she wants to be baptized on Easter.  We have been watching her grow in her faith for the past couple of years in leaps and bounds.  We found ourselves trying to orchestrate the baptism so that certain people could be there.  We asked her if she wanted to wait until we were in Colorado in May and she said no.  We asked if she wanted to wait until the water was warmer and her aunt and uncle were here in June.  Again, she said no.  She was sure it was supposed to be on Easter.  I would have to agree.  This is the best way to remember the freedom we have found through the resurrection of our Savior.  There is nothing that could make this Easter better.   Definitely not a silly cup of coffee.

-shanna

Right in Front of My Eyes

Sometimes, I am looking for something.  And this something tends to be rather specific.  I like to deal in specifics.  That way I know that I have what I want when I see it.  The problem comes when I am expecting God to give me something I want in a very specific way.   Recently, he has been reminding me that he doesn't work in my life in the area of my specific wants but rather in the area of my needs.  And he is specific about how he addresses my needs.  But again, there is a problem.  I am so focused on my specific desires that the way he answers my needs appears ambiguous.  God may not deal with you in this way at all.  Maybe you are a very rational person who only focuses on what you need.  Maybe God has to get you to dream a little more and see the ways he is blessing you beyond what you need. 

I have been craving community.  And as I said, this craving has been in a very specific way.  I want to see a group of people coming together to encourage each other as they live their lives for God's kingdom.  Before, I assumed that during this time of waiting I would simply have to forgo community.  Just the other day God opened my eyes to the people around me in a new way.  He is providing community - just not yet in the way I was expecting.  In one conversation I am reminded of how God has brought us to this point.  In another conversation I am walking through how God is guiding us to whatever lies ahead.  And in another conversation I am listening to what God is doing in someone's life.  It has been an amazing thing to see God work all around me.  In conversations with Maltese friends, French friends, American friends.  Some who have a relationship with Jesus, others who are witnessing life with Jesus rather than duty to religion for the first time.  It's a beautiful thing, the creativity of God.  The way he weaves our lives together.  The way he provides for what I really need while asking me to wait for what I really want.

-Shanna